Working on Balanced Actions

When you move through your day how do you keep a smile on your face?  What makes you crazy? What do you do to ‘stop the madness’?  How do you get anything accomplished when 10 people are asking you for something every minute of the day?

When I am on the yoga mat the actions are balanced.  The effort and surrender have to be even. I know that by being balanced in my practice makes me stronger and more free.  I have to hug into my own strengths while opening to the possibilities of going deeper into every pose.  When I do this I not only feel better, but I feel like I could do the impossible. How do you take this feeling with you into the world at large?

I used to drive to and from Sarasota for work every day. For several years it was a highway drive.  Evenings were most difficult during ‘season’ when northerners descended upon South Florida; an hour and a half to travel 23 miles. Generally I didn’t mind because my day had been spent working with professionals, who actually understood business and quality wasn’t quick. The last two years that I worked in Sarasota I drove up and down US-41. The trip was only 15 miles door to door, but with 85-year-old drivers feeling it necessary to be out at 8 a.m. (early to the bank) and 5 p.m. (early bird dinnertime) the trip would last 40 minutes each direction.  After spending my entire day with those same people that needed immediate action (though they were all retired and had nothing better to do than ask for things they really didn’t need, but wanted anyway) I was ready to be home.

My husband would call me while I was attempting to maneuver my way home and wonder why I would ask him to just wait till I got home.  He would get upset that I was short with him. EVERY TIME!  Finally I got to the point that I just stopped answering the phone. He couldn’t understand I even got followed to my car by residents who lived in the place I worked, so I couldn’t even get out of there on time.  It got to the point that I got a ticket for changing lanes, trying to go around the people that (even though it is law) refused to move to the right lane when they decided to drive thirty miles per hour in the 45 or 55 mile per hour areas.  AND gave you dirty looks and slammed on their brakes if you didn’t stay three car lengths behind them. I think it is clear that these things still bother me today.

Point is I knew that I had to make a change. I had to decide what really mattered and work from there.  My heart wasn’t in my work and my mind was too over-stressed to allow my heart to be free.  I got to a place within my life that I knew there was something missing.  I wasn’t balanced and it was coming out in my actions and words.  I had to ask myself “how can you ask anyone else to listen to what you are teaching, if you aren’t listening to it yourself?”  “How can you teach your child to be a complete and happy person if not by example?”  The answers were simple – I couldn’t.

I don’t run from anything or quit and walk away.  I made the choice to give a two-month notice and help them find and train a replacement.  Also, to be available for any future needs that they would have.  My heart was actually able to open at that point and become free enough to start smiling again.  Don’t get me wrong, with these big leaps many downsides exist.  I had to recognize that our income was going to be cut in half. Starting my own business was going to be a deficit for the first couple of years, but I would have the freedom to be with my son and actually be home to make dinner.  Being a person that has worked long days since I was 18, and was 40 when I decided to make this change, it has been a challenge.  It had to be not just me that changed. Balance has to be achieved within the entire structure of the paradigm, so my family had to adjust as well.  As you can guess, my son was able to make the adjustment easily.  Getting my partner to be on the same page was more of a challenge.  We had to downsize lots of things, which he said he was willing to do, but was much harder than it sounds.  We have all heard of the reality shows that talk about downsizing and the work it is, but experiencing is always different than hearing. 

Part of my problem has been motivation.  I am and have always been great at getting everyone else organized and putting things together, details and all.  Doing it for me was different.  It meant I had to believe in myself fully and what I really wanted to do.  One year into the new life and I am just starting to get this together.  That is why I always say, that if you see something in someone you should tell them.  Be their advocate.  Give them praise.  Look for the good.  Because if you don’t you never know if anyone else will.  It also makes them feel better about their day and about the things that they must face.  But also, don’t be afraid to tell someone if something really bothers you or if you see something that could make them feel better.  The little things make all the difference.

Balanced action in life is about working on the things that aren’t working, improving those things that just pass and embracing the things that come naturally.  It’s about surrendering your heart to what you truly love, even in the face of hard times. Balanced action is what you get when you offer a smile when you really want to scream.  Inviting in the ugly even when your mind yells to stop the madness!  Have I achieved this fully? No, but just like my yoga practice on the mat - It is a constantly evolving practice in working hard and loving freely.  Will I ever succeed?  Who is to say – but I won’t quit my practice.  And I will try to keep the smile on my face.  Even in Snowbird February in Southwest Florida.

Breaking Out of Your Shell

Take the egg- at some point the baby chick gains some form of awareness – and recognizes its need to go – stretch beyond its current boundaries – confines – limitations; to feed, to grow.  That is what we each have to do to move past our own current habits – ideas – self imposed limitations. ‘Oh, I did this to my knee and now I can’t ever do that again.  Oh, this weight MUST come off BEFORE I could ever think about doing something like that! Nothing could be farther from the truth. We may not be able to put our ankles behind our heads – but we can stand up taller – open our hearts wider – AND change the way we see ourselves.

Last March I began a new endeavor. I decided to stop working in an office and start following my dream to teach. I gave up my lists at the same time. I like making lists. They provide me with a reassurance of purpose.  I know this about me. I also know that when I don’t make them I tend to feel lost – even knowing I have plenty to do – I instead – don’t.  I know I’m not alone in this. Some, no, most days I just want to pretend it doesn’t matter – of course I avoid mirrors to avoid my own criticism. So, as I write this I am taking up that habit again because it helps me break my comfy little shell.

Don’t get me wrong! I do get plenty of work done every day. But I could do so much more.  I do believe that social media really distracts. Television, Facebook, etc. are all things that can take over your day – but at the same time to remain part of the current world – and in contact with other humans – you must adapt and modify your communication style.  But don’t abandon the traditional forms!  Otherwise how are we meeting people these days? What I see (mostly) are church based groups, school activities with both parents and children and things like team sports and gym events where parents and kids interact. I don’t see neighbors anymore that know each other. Sure, a couple of people on a block may know each other, but how well do you know your neighbors? I am no better – I condemn my own lack of extended hand - Open door – Lighted Bar-b-q. But we all should work to change that.

I listened to a young lady the other day telling her dad how a girl friend had cancelled plans with her via text just an hour before they were supposed to go out. She said that she texted her response that “an adult wouldn’t cancel at the last minute and not give a reason why.” I REALLY wanted to say that an adult would actually pick up the phone and find out what is really wrong. Talk to the person and get the human reaction and work on their relationship. An adult, a human, should work on human relations.

OK you say. You SAY that, but how do we then act it out? Maybe just by keeping eye contact with someone you are passing on your own street. Long enough to exchange a nod and a smile?  I can say, though it can be hard at first - that it has been working. I have even been getting a wave from my neighbors before I even notice them.  Also, try it at the grocery store and coffee shops. Make new friends through familiarity.  If you are paying attention to those around you everyday – that is a step in cracking your shell. You make the world a smaller, more loving place to hang out.  All you have to do is crack that shell. That first crack of bright light – and your world is already changing.

When it comes to breaking your own negative physical habits, you can do the same thing. Be more aware of how you are standing, sitting, walking. Add intention to your every action. You will not only notice what is wrong, but you will start to see what is right.  You will not only notice how YOU are standing, but take notice of those around you. Maybe even take the time to open up and compliment someone where you noticed something nice about them.  Your hair looks great today!  That is a really pretty top you are wearing.  You may even find that, if you take the time to be more self-aware, the things that used to upset you are just insignificant background noise.

In Anusara Yoga we focus on the good.  The first lesson is to look at the big picture and see the beauty in every person.  THEN you only look to enhance the experience of the pose.  Enliven the energy that you are feeling with each breathe you take.  The first step in cracking your shell ON the mat is to set your foundation and open to grace. Open to the possibility that you can be anything. Be willing to ride the river of life, even when the current is wild and you are afraid to get wet.  I love when I see someone doing the tree pose for the first time.  I like to remind them that they are palms, swaying in the breezes of hurricane season. Not rocks on the bottom of the river, just being washed over or swept away.  Palm trees bend to the harsh winds without breaking. So how do I come back around to the beginning?  Back to the chicken in the egg? Well, I just did. I invite you to crack that shell.

Common Ground

Beginning a blog is an experience that I was both longing to try but also leary to expose my emotions so boldly for other's to judge.  I wrote the following entry on December 21, but have literally taken this long to feel comfortable posting.  After what happened in Arizona this month, I knew it was time to start talking.  Not that everyone or even anyone will listen, but I am going to try.

Common Ground
About a decade ago I wrote a poem about people living on different planes of existance. Trying, though mostly unsuccessfully, to co-exist.  The only goal was to not colide.  But that was an idea put in my head - and responded to. 
Personally, I love differences, but revel in our similarities.  We all should. That is what living is about.  Love. Not just man/woman, parent/child - but human to human - deep affection, appreciation and admiration.  Affection for our differences because they give us each our own 'definition.' Appreciation for our similarities, so others can find sympathy for our aflictions. And, admiration for each 'will' to find its own path.  
At this time of year, our sililarities are what should be noted.  Our mutual desire for good and justice to triumph over darkness lerking just around the next corner (or so you would be lead to believe).  At this time, just after the transition to the darkest time of the earth's cycle - we find a reason for jubilation.  Most celebrate a religious holiday, but all Humans celebrate the new year.  The beginning of new opportunity, the start of anything they desire.  Its like a reset button that brings us all together and open to change.
Searching for light has been the way of most living things on our planet - so from this time forward I invite you to look for the good. Stop trying to force our ways as supreme and open our heart and minds to the voices of innocence.  Ask a 4-year-old to describe his best friend and he will say he likes Blues Clues and we play cars together - Not that his skin is different than mine or he has poor parents.  When you find that someone in front of you is taking too long and you're late, consider that they may be late as well.  Or that they just had a really bad event just hit them head-on - leading to their current Conundrum (I love that word).
Remember, look for the good. Try to be in someone else's shoes - and try to find common ground.
A smile ALWAYS helps.